it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
