Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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