My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
