I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
