Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The beer is more important than you right now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Congratulations! We have a period
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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