The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
