Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
