If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
