matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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