so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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