I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
