no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
