Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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