So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
