she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
