He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
