NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
