Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
