I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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