He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
