So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
