I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
