We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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