He uses pillows to masturbate.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
