If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
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Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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