im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
