I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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