yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
