I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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