how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
