Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
