Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
