You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
