apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
