I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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