her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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