well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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