So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
