people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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