guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
