when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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