I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
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Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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