you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
