dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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