i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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