Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
