My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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