your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
