explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
