She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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