He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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