What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
