I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
