Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's shark week go big or go home
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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