I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
