she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
