I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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