We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize