I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
