Are we in a gay sports bar?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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