Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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