Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
