The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
