I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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