mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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