it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
