My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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